Dear Australia...
Dear Australia,
This is your friend and once/still citizen of you, Korrena. Certain events recently have driven me to this point of writing a friendly letter of advice so that you, Australia, can reflect on all that you have done and act accordingly.
Firstly, I don't know if you have noticed, but your country people like to shorten words to the point of ridiculousness. Words such as 'arvo' in place of the perfectly good 'afternoon', 'rego' as opposed to that nigh-on-impossible word 'registration'. But I just wanted to let you know that you went too far when a woman, speaking of her relief at the speedy response of the emergency services, declared that her rescuers arrived in an 'ambo'. An ambo! Surely, these people who dedicate themselves to a life of prank calls and people declaring emergencies when they've eaten too many pie-o's should be allowed an extra syllable.
Please explain the prevalence of the mullet. Mullet count for today (and it's only just midday) - 3.
I also hold you personally responsible for the young lady who obviously cut out 'pay-for-one-driving-lesson-and-get-your-licence!' coupons in order to pass her driving test. She attempted to roll on through a red light as Munro and I were crossing the road and when we looked at each other in bewilderment whilst trying to protect our suddenly vulnerable legs, she bellowed "(incomprehensible mumbling something something something) TRAFFIC WARDENS!". Clearly, it was a smart ass comment but it got lost in the tangle of missing IQ.
Ah, Australia. There is so much to love about you, from your perfect, squeaky sanded beaches to your sixteen kebab shops per square kilometre and most of all, your wild and varied wildlife (I adore the bats that swoop threateningly overhead, particularly as they are carriers of a virus closely related to Ebola).
I have now adopted Jake The Peg as my own personal anthem.
Love Korrena xxx
This is your friend and once/still citizen of you, Korrena. Certain events recently have driven me to this point of writing a friendly letter of advice so that you, Australia, can reflect on all that you have done and act accordingly.
Firstly, I don't know if you have noticed, but your country people like to shorten words to the point of ridiculousness. Words such as 'arvo' in place of the perfectly good 'afternoon', 'rego' as opposed to that nigh-on-impossible word 'registration'. But I just wanted to let you know that you went too far when a woman, speaking of her relief at the speedy response of the emergency services, declared that her rescuers arrived in an 'ambo'. An ambo! Surely, these people who dedicate themselves to a life of prank calls and people declaring emergencies when they've eaten too many pie-o's should be allowed an extra syllable.
Please explain the prevalence of the mullet. Mullet count for today (and it's only just midday) - 3.
I also hold you personally responsible for the young lady who obviously cut out 'pay-for-one-driving-lesson-and-get-your-licence!' coupons in order to pass her driving test. She attempted to roll on through a red light as Munro and I were crossing the road and when we looked at each other in bewilderment whilst trying to protect our suddenly vulnerable legs, she bellowed "(incomprehensible mumbling something something something) TRAFFIC WARDENS!". Clearly, it was a smart ass comment but it got lost in the tangle of missing IQ.
Ah, Australia. There is so much to love about you, from your perfect, squeaky sanded beaches to your sixteen kebab shops per square kilometre and most of all, your wild and varied wildlife (I adore the bats that swoop threateningly overhead, particularly as they are carriers of a virus closely related to Ebola).
I have now adopted Jake The Peg as my own personal anthem.
Love Korrena xxx
posted by Korrena at 10:15 PM
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