Somewhere, A Clock Is Ticking...

I guess I will precede this blog with a declaration about Korean health and safety rules - they suck! Shaun, Irene, her boyfriend Brian, Mike, Lorraine and myself went to a fireworks show where apparently, in two separate parts of the show, Korea and America were competing against each other. If our theory is right, and Korea were the first to fire off, so to speak, then they were unfortunately the losers because the American display was as flashy and overdone as you would expect it to be. But fireworks are beautiful wherever, and they were particularly gorgeous over the Han River on a freezing October night.

Anyway, when we were leaving, thousands of others were doing the same in what was a surprisingly enclosed area. One problem with Korea is that there are 48 million people crowded into a space roughly the same size as Ireland so any event will draw people in their hundreds of thousands. It doesn't even have to be well advertised - Koreans just know. It's kind of freaky. Maybe they have some kind of networking system involving kimchi and matching couple outfits. Still, let me tell you - leaving that river bank, whilst being swept along in a veritable seething sea of impatient Koreans was enough to make you shriek like a small child.

Ha! The next internationally renowned musical artist to visit Korea will be - gasp! - Michael Bolton! I'm not sure how long I can restrain myself from buying tickets for his concert. Sadly enough, Koreans absolutely adore the former mulleted one, and a Michael Bolton song will be inevitably sung with gusto during a night at a noribang.

I can't wait to go to a decent gig back home! I shall be calling on each and every one of you, as your duty, to accompany me.

Halloween dawns upon us tomorrow - I know that it is technically today but we are celebrating it for two days at school by having a bonkers party day for each set of students (Monday/Wednesday/Friday and Tuesday/Thursday). It will involve far too much sugar, activities that will be mainly aimed at controlling them as much as possible and outfits that will have its wearer sweating like a squirrel buried under a pile of half eaten nuts. I could actually achieve Mr Burns cunning plan and steal candy from a baby. What? There are moral objections to this kind of thing?

Just a postscript for film fans out there - have a wee look at The Red Shoes (분 홍 신)- a Korean horror movie based on a Hans Christian Andersen tale. It was pretty scary, even in a DVD room with three others who were experiencing varying degrees of terror. Maybe there will be a watered down remake starring an unsuitable Hollywood blonde.

A Surprise Belting

My tae-kwon do master, in all his randomness, awarded myself and my fellow self-torturers, Irene and Angela, a brown belt last night, after we all rather shambolically completed tae guk oh jang. And apparently that means I will be getting my red belt before I go home, which is only two belts away from black - black and red, then the belt which I had previously thought only people like Jackie Chan, or Jackie Chan's son could achieve. A black belt! How impressive does that sound? I shall ahp-chagi you all, and you will like it! On a more serious note, I'm sure that my technique is fine and I know that my strength and general fitness has improved, but it wouldn't actually be that much use in the big bad world, unless my opponent stood stock still, or could be manoevered into a more suitable position.

I was telling Mike this morning about the people that would hopefully be coming to see me at the airport and he hit back with, which I shall quote in it's entirety:

'Well, I shall be met by a family of beavers and a celebratory dam'
'How can a dam be celebratory?'
'It has little flags on it'.

Genius. I imagine that he may also receive a reception from some smartly dressed Mounties carrying a wreath of wisteria and pine cones, whilst Celine Dion sings sweetly in the background.

I spent a gorgeous weekend in Seoraksan National Park, about a four hour bus ride from Seoul, in the illustrious company of co-workers and friends Lorraine, Muireann, Irene, Melody and Mike. That's right, Mike had to share a youth hostel floor with five girls at various stages of the monthly cycle. He often disappeared, returning with beer, snacks, or even a look in his eye that implied that he wanted to leave again. The scenery was stunning - we were there, along with half of Korea, to witness the autumn colours. And it did not disappoint. We saw beautiful waterfalls, countless bondeggi stands, people climbing mountains in their high heels, a cable car which we did not get to ride...the joys of mountain obsessed overcrowding. Mike and I climbed up Ulsanbawi, a sheer granite peak with only steep metal stairs to climb up which was, quite frankly, terrifying. Even worse was when we had to perch on these stairs for minutes at a time because there were actual queues at the top of the mountain. Some Koreans used this waiting time to practice their English on Mike who was almost as terrified as I.

I have report cards to write now but they are the second last batch of report cards that I will ever have to write! Time continues to heave along in an ungainly fashion.

The Whisper Song

I don't know if any of you have been depraved enough to have listened to the Ying Yang Twins 'Whisper Song' but the lyrics aren't particularly child friendly. It's even funnier that one of my workmates, Matt, had a CD with this particular song on it, and his dad heard it one day. He appeared to be interested in all the parts referring to pussy and insisted that Matt burn it for him. I don't know about you lot, but I freak out if my dad accidentally flicks past Eurotrash whilst looking for the news and I happen to be in the room - God only knows what I would do if I actually had to hand over a CD with verifiable whispered filth on it. I would quite possibly never recover.

That brings me to the topic of my workmates - they're a pretty diverse lot. One is a fighter who often comes in sporting a black eye or entire face. One keeps losing her wallet/keys/dignity. One is unhealthily addicted to CSI (in all the cities, as far as I can gather). And so on. I like them all, to varying degrees, but you have to wonder at the people that are drawn to Korea - what do we have in common?

My weekend was exceedingly lovely, even though I failed yet again to make it to Seoraksan. My evil tae-kwon do master made us all run around the room 100 times which resulted in an unidentifiable muscle strain. Such excuses (reasons!) shall be set aside next weekend for definite. I will conquer that mountain, and hopefully with a bedraggled Mike at my heels.

I also saw a sight this weekend that made me realise how similar Koreans and the Japanese are. We visited Seonyudo, an islet on the Han River which has basically been converted into a series of themed gardens. However, along with all the families and the pre-requisite swathes of children that are always present was about perhaps fifty teenagers who were all dressed up as their favourite anime characters. I can't say that I'm sad enough to be able to identify any of them but they were magnificently attired. There were post boxes, punked up hair dos, stockings and suspenders, cut-off wedding dresses, swords, staffs, ball gowns - not unlike certain areas of Tokyo where people dressed similarly hang out all the time. It was highly impressive - not to mention odd to see them try to hoist their outlandish skirts up slatted wooden stairs.

Oh! Mike scared an elderly Korean lady on the street today by jumping on a balloon and bursting it loudly. She guffawed and said a stream of good humoured remonstrative Korean at him. I guess you had to be there.

Halloween! And Fascism is Alive and Well!

An irate Canadian claims that fascism is showing definite sparks of life in corporate North America, where big businesses are getting taxation and financial favouritism from the government. Apparently, the current trend of privatisation and the reduction of anti-trust laws is an unignorable characteristic of 1920s Germany and Italy. It's perfectly clear that we're doomed but if it is because a company like Hersheys, for example, the maker of quality North American chocolate, is monopolising the market then it's all worth it. Right? Right??? We should start saluting the beaver now.

I always tend to write this post-weekend and this one was more humourous than most. A big group of us went out for Thai food on Saturday night and then kicked off a semi-pub crawl that ended rather disastrously with Mike being violently ill into my toilet bowl on Sunday morning. We were out with Jenny, a sweet if rather boisterous American, and she is always exceptionally entertaining. I was talking to her and she spotted a bearded individual and this is how the conversation went:

K: 'I think I will get another beer.'
J: 'Cool - oh my GOD! That guy over there looks just like Billy Joel!'
K (squinting into the distance): 'I guess there is a resemblance'. (Editorial note: it turned out to be quite a stunning one)
J: 'I'm going over to talk to him!'
K:'Are you sure-' (by this time, is speaking to a fragrant puff of Jenny air)

And so on. Nothing stops the woman who claims to 'really like kissing'. No man, or woman, is safe from her questing lips and heaving bosom.

Add to Jenny the cocktail ingredient that was Mike completely pissed, whose jumping/dancing/air punching/arm waving combination was knocking out several revellers at any one given time and you had a serious night on your hands. And there was a serious morning after, cured only by a good old fashioned fry up.

Oh, Halloween - the day of worshipping Pumplestiltskin, the Pumpkin God, shall soon be upon us. I got the rather easy task of monitoring small children as they watch a video and shepherding them in the general right direction at the general accurate time. We also get to wear a costume. I was thinking that I would look good as a lightning bolt. Do I have any volunteers with the sharp scissors?

Vancouver - Number 1 City to Live in The World*

* according to a commission of orcas, most probably.

Can anyone tell me why there are three Canadian cities in the top ten of this ubiquitous list? This is a country where the temperature reaches the chilling depths of -40 degrees celsius. The national food is something called poutine, which is fried potatoes with cheese curds. That's right. Curds. I can only estimate at the criteria established for judging who makes it, and who doesn't, on this list. The ones cited are infrastructure, availability of goods and services, and risk of terror attacks. They failed to mention, however, 'country whose military forces wear the spiffiest uniform' and 'country most likely to have six beavers per rural acre'. That would definitely put Canadian cities ahead by an unfair mile.

Check out this link. It's quite funny who will honour hairy-chested Welsh studs these days. Will there be lots of panty throwing by frenzied women? What could possibly revere him better?http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/3577171.stm

My last long weekend in Korea passed in a nicely warm glow. We visited the zoo, where it became clear exactly how many children and strollers there are in this child-infested country. We also saw hippos. They were wallowing. Mike was devastated because the beaver display, where when we last saw them, they were industriously building an aimless dam, had been removed in favour of some irritated looking turtles. We also went to Jogyesa, a temple where previous royal family members souls are said to be held in stone tablets concealed within grandly built shrines.

I have never seen the Buena Vista Social Club but I saw a performance last night at Ewha Women's University, The Bar At Buena Vista and was suitably impressed. The music was chilled and one of the original singers, Reinaldo Creagh, is a stunning 87 years of age and still singing. He even threw in a dance. Clearly, Cuban cigars and rum can put in a good claim for the old 'Fountain of Eternal Youth' title. It was really enjoyable. Next month, I am going to see Omara Portuondo so I will be a veritable expert concerning Cuban music. Well, I will know one of the singer's names.