Terrible Quantities of Cheese!

Sometimes, for a friend's birthday, you have to set aside all selfish, lifetime acquired reservations about bad 80s soft rock. Which was precisely what I did last night for my friend Neal when I, slightly reluctantly, attended a Bon Jovi tribute concert, Bon Giovi. There was a heated debate over which was the better name - By Jovi, my personal favourite, or Bon Giovi which apparently uses the singer's real name. Neal said that he thought that the latter oozed class. I can say, honestly, that all class evaporated as soon as we stepped over the smoky threshold and men with abnormally large bouffant hair and worn denim jackets swaggered past. I also enjoyed the disproportionate amount of tank tops.

I am currently enjoying the vast literary talents of Susanna Clarke - Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell. It's genuinely refreshing to read a book which can slyly nudge you with witty asides but isn't esconsed in cynical irony which casts a negative light over all characterisations. Her observations are razor sharp, but not necessarily postmodern, which makes it even more enjoyable.

Freeman arrives on Wednesday morning (curses - will be up at 6am!) so that is most definitely something so have excitable cold sweats about. I wish to show him all things Irish so I feel I should hire a small red headed man dressed entirely in green and brass, merely to follow us around for a month and sing mournful tunes about mountains and comely lasses of virtue true. The true taste of modern Ireland, methinks.

Whale!

I'm sure that you were all as moved as I was about the sad tale of the bottlenose whale that misguidedly attempted to sightsee down the Thames, also known as one of the most toxic and poisonous rivers in Europe. It must have had a very hardy blowhole. But said story ended in tragedy when rescue workers attempted to ship it back to open sea and it died from trauma and shock. And multiple camera shots. And people cheering at it to 'Turn around!'. For an intelligent creature with a slightly off centre internal compass, it might be better that it never got to relate such horrendous scenes to its fellow pod members. May he rest in peace.

I had a busy week of pub quizzing where, rather bizarrely, I came emphatically last in one and then was kind of a member of a winning team in another. The music quiz bore questions such as - 'Name Mike's back up band'. This, unfortunately, was one of thirty questions that Derek and I answered correctly. Out of sixty.

I also saw Brokeback Mountain and as stimulating as all the man-sex was (although not for my increasingly uncomfortable looking male companion), I went expecting to cry like a small ice-cream deprived child when inevitable tragedy struck. This expectation, however, was borne from a rather camp friend of a friend who apparently wept inconsolably during the final fifteen minutes, so I shouldn't have been shocked when I remained dry-eyed. Heath Ledger is fantastic in it, though.

I am currently trying to plan a round the world trip and have narrowed down my wish list to Australia, New Zealand, Peru, North America, China, Cambodia, India and South Africa. This might sound a little ambitious for a year but if any of you have any advice on how to make it viable, then I am all ears and wide-eyed attention. I have bought the obligatory hiking boots and hard wearing jacket, and I now have to work on how to a) stay calm under any kind of unexpected pressure and b) how to look slightly more hard, so that I can level down people with one imperious icy glare. If all else fails, then Freeman can do the last one for me.

Nerdoff!

I am currently in the middle of a 'nerd-off' with a fellow geek like creature and I am actually quite saddened at how many horrific nerd like qualities I have -

1) Healthy eating - apparently eating lots of vegetables is good for one's health and detrimental to one's coolness factor. If I was to be cooler, my diet would consist of bacon sandwiches and 57 varieties of cheese.
2) My teenage years - There are photos of me as a teenager that are hilarious as they are confidence shredding. I had, in no definite order, braces, a bad fringe, spots, a tendency to smile with the lips tightly closed (i.e a scowl) and a predilection for badly fitting jeans.
3) Fancying Matthew Bellamy for 8 years - he's really hot, ok? H-O-T. I refuse to apologise for being attracted to a man who is a quarter of my mass and who wears multi coloured woolly jumpers.
4) Buffy The Vampire Slayer - I wanted to recreate her every move - which casts a vaguely sinister light over the reasons why I did tae-kwon do.
5) Thick lensed glasses - a nerdy stereotype, I know, but heck, I comply!
6) Regular baking fits
7) Regular museum visits
8) I briefly, actually considered attending a sci-fi convention
9) Comedy knickers

So ha! I am indeed a nerd. I will not be cowed, or intimidated from my superior nerd position, unless someone threatens me soundly. In fact, I am going to go out and buy ill fitting jeans. Right now!

I am back in Belfast and working temporarily in Subway. The highlight so far has been meeting a rather hot Belfast Giants ice hockey player and getting to wear a snazzy apron. But being back in a city is cool - I am partying incessantly, going to gigs (Mogwai! - excellently depressing) and most importantly, catching up with the people that I have missed over the past year.

As for those of you that I am missing right now, I bestow a small gift upon you -
http://www.frikis.org/images/frikis/fame/david_hasselhoff.jpg

Can Coconuts Levitate?

I am currently in the middle of a fascinating coconut-based conversation with Mr. Murray about the levitational qualities of a coconut. He dreamt that the fine hair would aid its lifting powers. If that is the case, then all people living in coastal areas, with tropical temperatures, will be at the forefront of the new movement and we Irish will be trying to beat some aeronautical life out of our potatoes.

New Year's Eve was predictably hilarious and inebriated. There was an inflatable basketball hoop; horribly discoloured but delicious punch; a briefly broken engagement over a terrible (but stupidly funny rumour that the male partner had had a homoerotic romp in front of Queen's with his mate) which was resolved within 15 minutes; Kevin's brother, Paddy, blessing Kevin's room with it's first Jack Daniel's based puke and about fifteen eavesdropping-worthy rows. A typical party indeed. And I have learnt that in order not to kill the atmosphere at a party, don't start the Big Countdown from 43 seconds when 10 will do.

I have now mentally adjusted to the well-worn fact that children here are not Asian. Strangely, this was the one thing that took the most getting used to when I arrived. I was used to all children looking chubby, bright eyed and puffy haired and now there are - gasp! - colour variations and wispy golden curls. That said, I miss the children that I taught. I hope that my teaching didn't in any way damage them.