Whew...tis sweaty in herrrrrre....

The weather has finally turned. Turned to what is going to be a summer of poetry-inspiring heat, cement building trapped humidity and the gradual scientific undoing of the purpose of deodorant. In an office full of Irish, English and Canucks, the trepidation is palpable - the shirts are getting skimpier, sandals are being looked at thoughtfully...and all the while, the hardy Korean people are wandering purposefully around wearing jackets, trousers and a look of scorn at we whiners. And, more alarmingly, it is going to getting hotter and the humidity is going to reach epic levels so that your closest friends will be a constant layer of sweat and malignant mosquitos.

I'm aware I made that sound pretty bad. I am from the land of Oz after all, and my coping skills will hopefully be revived as the barometer begins to shudder. Also, there is apparently a mass exodus out of Seoul to the sandy beaches that adorn Korea's coastlines so I shall be slathering on the sunscreen and going with them.

Some of my kids, in a cynical attempt to wangle some stickers from me, wrote a message on the board when I was absent from the room: 'Teacher, we love you. Signed Michelle, Sarah, Tracy, Eric, Andrew and Keven'. Yes, Kevin was spelt inaccurately. Yes, it was Machiavellian in its ingenuity. Yes, I gave them a sticker. But it also made me question just how far kids will go to get a sticker. In my school, stickers are given out as a reward for general good behaviour,winning games, to spite the other kids that are pissing you off...and if the studen t collects forty or so, you receive a small prize. It starts off innocently enough - but soon children are viewing the stickers as some kind of vindication for their very existence. Many times I have been leapt upon at the end of class by outraged sprogs demanding stickers as if they are post war ration tickets. In these cases, it gives me an especial pleasure to deny them.

My parents are loving Seoul and Korea and it is really cool to have them here, even if there is the constant surreality of two worlds colliding. It was even better when my dad sampled some speciality Korean cuisine, known as bomdeggi - delicious silkworm larvae with the most patently unique, potent odour that I have ever been unfortunate enough to smell. He wasn't able to fully articulate what the flavour was like but he did inform us that he was spitting out small indigestible pieces for quite a while afterward.

Parental Supervision

Hey!

My parents and brother arrived in a flurry of chocolate, clothes and cleaning products - never before had I been able to see the floor of my balcony due to a thick coating of yellow dust. Anyone who knows my mother knows that she comes replete with cleanliness and I have been inundated with rare, exotic products that I hadn't thought to purchase (for eg. a mop). It is excellent to see them, though, and to see that they haven't changed and neither, apparently, have I. This was a little disappointing - was I not more worldly wise? Did I not have a teacher's air of responsibility and discipline? Obviously only in my head.

Things I have done with my parents:
1)Shopped (whilst Kym looked angrily on)
2)Scaled the 63 building and viewed Seoul in all it's dusty sprung-up-in-the-last-fifty-years glory
3)Went on swan boats, in which my mother was a veritable backseat driver - 'Watch that one over there! Turn! TURN!'
4)Took them to a galbi restaurant where my dad actually almost mastered chopsticks on his first go. We were all suitably impressed.

I also booked my trip to Hong Kong and look forward to seeing the formerly English ruled part of China, where you can access different street levels on escalators. ESCALATORS! I have images of the 7up ad with the baggy trousered 'yoof' who was de-pantified...then transferred this image of me, in a voluminous skirt, on a open air stairway of possible death. Maybe I should opt for hot pants.

It is my workmate, Irene's 22nd birthday today, which leaves me as the only 21 year old in the office. We are planning to celebrate tonight by going bowling (which translates roughly into a drinking session wearing shoes saturated in previous bowlers' sweat).

Flashers!

I just heard what is possibly one of the funnier stories that I have ever been fortunate enough to glean about Korea. And yes - it involves flashers. Heck, what funny story doesn't involve flashers? Anyway, apparently these shifty characters hang around girls only schools and joyfully expose themselves only to flee with several irate teachers on their trail. One of the teachers I work with has seen this first hand so it isn't urban myth - there are genuine nutters wearing only trench coats terrorising Korean girls schools who can also, rather coincidentally, run pretty damn fast. They have earned themselves the amusing moniker 'Burberry Men' on account of their interesting taste in coats. It's strange to think of what Burberry evokes here in Korea, and what it means back in Ireland and Britain. In Ireland, Burberry means Blue WKD, baseball hats, thongs with diamante that shows above the waistline, literal interpretations of the Atkins Diet, cheating the welfare system. I think I prefer the Koreans' version.

Also, Korean hiphop clubs have showers in them. Actual showers, which is appropriate considering that the heat inside them is the rough equivalent of blanket-smogged day in Bangkok. I happened upon a hiphop club at the weekend and made the following observations about the Korean hiphop mass-ive:

1)They wear a ridiculous amalgamation of name brands from head to toe.
2)They dance timidly around poles(I saw two girls tentatively touching a pole which was clearly for lap dancing purposes, whilst giggling manically to themselves)
3)They can dance really damned well, especially the men.
4)The music was absolutely horrific.

Twas still an enjoyable experience but you know it's hot in a place when you begin to look longingly at water bottles instead of beer.

Gratuitous Swearing - The Best Kind

I was rather perturbed when two of my favourite students said, within a few brief milliseconds of each other, the word 'shit'. Admittedly - they were playing a ferocious game of Uno. Admittedly - it had gotten a little too competitive. Admittedly - they're smart enough to know English swear words and to use them in context (I had hit them with a Take Two card!). I wasn't shocked - I was just thinking of the mauling that I would have received from a teacher if I had sworn openly in class and comparing my own reaction to it (a paltry squeak of protest and a 'if I ever hear you saying that again.....) I have yet to perfect a hardened line of regimental discipline.

Myself and four colleagues are contemplating spending our next long weekend (it's for Children's Day - and, rather horrifically, as teachers, we all have to buy every single one of our students something for it, in order to what? Reward them for being children? Reward them for being conceived and ultimately pushed out in the year that they were? I'm kidding - I don't really mind, it shall just be large doses of sugar based products which I shall also partake of) and we are considering going to Hong Kong. I'm not sure if this is wise for four days but it sounds like the high rise city destination that shall purge all Seoul-ian thoughts from our minds for a little while. I love Seoul and everyday it shocks me anew (if it isn't a feckless college student rapping to the beat of a tap dancer on the subway, it's a 65 year old woman doing a mean butterfly stroke past me in the swimming pool) but it will be nice to clear the country for a while and spend a different currency. Has anyone I know ever been to Hong Kong? Any tips on what to do there and what to keep a beady eye out for?

Incidentally, I posted some more photos up on Flickr, so feel free to have a peep.

A Cough From Afar

Due to foreseen amounts of yellow dust , blown in from the Gobi of all places in an unenviable annual Korean event, I have contracted an illness which wholehearted denial of is unfortunately not the cure. I shall visit a doctor soon, although I have a healthy fear of Korean medics, who diagnosed my friend, who had also been coughing for a lengthy amount of time, with bronchial asthma. It's a tough case to call when your doctor is the flaming hypochondriac.

Mike's father returned to the Land of Beavers and A-Plenty today, and it was sad to see him go. He wasn't just a formidable drinker, he was also a genuinely lovely man, with a cracking sense of humour that his Irish ancestors would have tilted a pint of Guinness at. We went, rather ironically, to a Canadian brunch in a Canadian bar in the least Korean part of Seoul for his last meal but it was strangely fitting.

Speaking of Canadians, I wish to rally opinion about a particular social oddity which has plagued me ever since I alighted in this lovely city - that of wanton public nudity. I am (vaguely) acquainted with a multi-national frisbee team (it is comprised, predominantly, of Canucks and Yanks) and everytime there is a public gathering, such as for a birthday in a bar, they have this untempered desire to remove large amounts of their clothing. Obviously, their garments were not inhibiting their dance moves (believe me when I say that these most certainly did not improve post clothes-shedding), nor did they serve any woman-magnetising, beer goggle improving effect as far as I could see. So why is this on-going travesty considered a necessity for a good night out for these people, much as the rest of us would be dependent on the much less offensive laying-bare-of-the-soul that alcohol abundantly produces? I have no idea - all I know is that:

a) the odour of the bar became significantly less smoky, and much more pheromone-y
b) reaching the bar became instantly more hazardous as a meticulously planned route through the least sweat-glazed gyrating part of the pub became an urgent necessity
c) people began to surreptitiously leave but the revellers' behaviour also encouraged others to follow suit - including a middle aged Korean woman, who wore something that suspiciously resembled bloomers.

Am I being prudish? Is all this lascivious nakedity and blatant nipple tugging a true sign of burgeoning equality (all naked idiots look the same)? Is this topic worthy of any kind of social commentary? Am I merely conforming to the opinions of the (largely) clothed masses, who have no real urge to be confronted by a sweaty Ontarian with artistically flattened chest hair and threadbare boxer shorts? Bring on the opposition...

Meeting the Father....

This has been something of a surreal week (visiting Buddhas in the mountains in stunning cold and snow when Seoul was apparently getting lovely weather), going up mountains and seeing people sacrifice whole pigs to the shaman gods as well as happening across so-called Zen rocks which have been moulded into the shape of people through the ravages of time - and women believe that by praying to them they shall be blessed with a son.

But none of these compare to meeting Mike's dad, who is here in Seoul on holiday for ten days. For those of you who don't know (or perhaps, more importantly, don't care), Mike is my boyfriend of about four months now. He's a little bit bonkers, likes to play Warhammer, listens to Scandanavian metal bands and unashamedly embraces all things nerdy...but is immense fun. Needless to say, I thought that should I be fortunate enough to meet someone I liked in Korea, I would never have to brace the awkward 'meet the parents' moment that has presently afflicted all of my past relationships (i.e knowing that you shall never match up to the high standards of a mother's discerning eye). Alas, this was not to be the case. And to add to the plain oddness of the situation, my own parents and brother shall be blessing me with their company in about three weeks time so Mike does not escape unscathed.

My fears were unfounded - Mike's dad is cool. He got here on Friday at about five o'clock in the evening and was out drinking with us until six o'clock in the morning, entertaining us with stories of Mike's childhood and charming attempts at Irish slang (a minge-er anyone?). Then, like a champion, he got up at ten o'clock Saturday morning for a weekend trip to Gyeong-ju, climbed up the giant tombs of the Shilla royal dynasty that the city is built around, AND put up with my and Cara's incessant yo-ing. I am still beyond impressed.

Just out of curiosity, did anyone see the spoof science series Look Around You? It had blast from the past Josie D'Arby in it, as well as the delectable Peter Serafinowicz in a fetching brown suit. It mercilessly mocked 80s science programmes, and was so authentic looking that it took me several trips to the Internet to confirm that it was indeed a recent production. If you didn't see it, download it! Download it now! You shall learn about such wonderful products as P-silence (a spray that leaves you completely deaf by covering your ear with a layer of artificial skin) or present you with a cure for cobbles, a disease that calcifies the victim's healthy skin into a layer of rock, so that great big piles of stones are begging for change on street corners. It's bloody hilarious.